Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Faith Dance

Faith Dance

Thirsting For Friendship: Jean Vanier Reflecting on Henri Nouwen

Posted: 25 Oct 2011 08:24 PM PDT

via www.altervideomagazine.com

I so loved this clip of Jean Vanier reflecting on his dear friend, Henri Nouwen. Vanier says that Nouwen "thirsted for friendship." I have a few simple thoughts on thirsting for friendship. Nothing profound. I stand in the presence of two great giants who have embodied beauty and friendship.

1. I loved the beauty, simplicity, and affection Jean Vanier speaks with talking about his friend, Henri Nouwen.

After he mentions Nouwen's emotional reaction ("He used to get furious" ) after Vanier could not meet him "anytime he needed" Vanier calls him "beautiful," and "he was a beautiful man." Beauty and beautiful have become so gendered and sexualized in our culture. Vanier doesn't hold back when he identifies Nouwen as beautiful. May I say, Vanier expresses such deep beauty in his smile and language toward Nouwen.

Beyond the use of it in romantic love and marriage, I first started coming across beauty in friendship as I read books on female friendship. Then, I began to see it Catholic men use beauty in describing friends and their male friends. It is rare for me to see it in evangelical literature on male friendship.

2. I love Vanier's deep embrace of Nouwen even in the midst of knowing Nouwen's "thirsting for friendship."

Vanier is so clear he loved Nouwen and embraced him, even in his deep need to be needed and his thirsting for friendship. Vanier talks about Nouwen's intense thirst for his presence accompanied with Vanier's need to set boundaries (it was impossible for Vanier to meet at any moment, at any surprise request from Nouwen). However this doesn't negate the fact that within this community, Vanier met with Nouwen in an ongoing friendship. Even in this midst of the complex friendship, Vanier embraces Nouwen with such profound love, acceptance, and simplicity.

3. Deep Friends Need Boundaries Too, in Close Communities.

I would have loved to hear Vanier expound on "idealizing friendship." Certainly there is a temptation to idealize friendship. Nouwen longed and craved for friendship, for embodied touch, for support. He wrestled with loneliness.

On a trip to Latin America, he notes in his journey, "What I am craving is not so much recognition, praise, or admiration as simple friendship. There may be some around me, but I cannot perceive or receive it...I realized the only thing I really wanted was a handshake, an embrace, a kiss, or a smile; I received none."

4. Deep Friendships May Have Complex Boundaries, Profound Love, and Deep Affection.

I haven't read Nouwen's biographies yet. I would like to at some point. I have read Wesley Hill's book and Hill writes that Nouwen would call friends around the world in the middle of the night and want to talk with them about his intense fear of loneliness. What is remarkable is that according to Hill this happened with repetition and many of his friends endured the calls and embraced him.

But as Vanier notes Nouwen had a deep thirst to connect with his friends. Friendship never met Nouwen's need for deep, ongoing, permanent, satisfying intimacy.

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