Mind Mapping Self-Reliance: breaking down the strong man Counseling Solutions |  |
| Mind Mapping Self-Reliance: breaking down the strong man Posted: 19 Oct 2011 09:05 PM PDT 
There has never been a human who is truly self-reliant. Jesus Christ was not even self-reliant. He grew (Luke 2:40, 52). He grew tired (John 4:6) and got thirsty (John 19:28). He got hungry (Matthew 4:2) and was physically weak (Matthew 4:11; Luke 23:26). He died (Luke 23:46). The self-reliant man is trying to do something that even the Savior was unwilling to do. In fact, the Savior ran from self-reliance. He chose instead to humble himself: Though he was in the form of God, … [He] made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. – Philippians 2:6-8 (ESV) The self-sufficient man does not have such a God-centered view of life. Christ was willing to set aside His reputation in order to rescue us from something that we could not extricate ourselves from without His help. It’s all about promotionWhile self-reliance is a form of self-promotion, God-reliance is also about promotion. The God-centered man is all about making God’s name great. This is what the Savior was about.
The Savior was always about His Father’s business. He could not have cared less about his life…unless He was thinking about giving it up for the sake of others.
Gospel ironyThe so-called self-sufficient person presents the oddest of ironies. While his self-reliance projects the image of being strong and in control, the reality of his heart is that he is weak and very much not in control. None of us are in control. It’s a facade and sham to present ourselves otherwise. Self-reliance is a form of insanity: to pretend to be something that you are not. Self-reliance is the act and attitude of depending on oneself. The problem with that mindset is that we all are sinners (Romans 3:23). Because of our sin, none of us are totally dependable, self-reliant, or able to successfully accomplish and sustain anything outside of God’s intervention. We are God-dependent whether we want to admit it or not. The world is clamoring to promote themselves while proving to anyone who will listen that they have it together, will succeed, and cannot be defeated. While they may want to be impressive or give the appearance of being impressive, they are just like the rest of us. They are nothing apart from God. The way up is not through self-effort, self-esteem, and self-reliance. The way up is down. Real strength is found in humility. The cross of Christ is the most profound picture of this kind of Gospel irony. The death of Christ was God’s strength and wisdom profoundly put on display.
We must come to terms with this. It is not through personal might and power that strength is found. It is through weakness, as displayed by the humble heart who is willing to submit to God moment by moment. You cannot serve two mastersThe nature and expectation of self-reliance is to reject of God. You cannot trust yourself and trust God at the same time. You cannot serve two masters. You will love one while rejecting the other. It’s not possible to be self-reliant and God-reliant. One will negate the other. Though the Savior was talking to the Pharisees about money, He did present this concept when he spoke to them:
In order to unpack self-sufficiency I have developed a mind map to help breakdown our struggle with God. You can get a full PDF version of this mind map by clicking Mind Mapping Self-Reliance.
Breaking down the strong man[1]Self-reliance is a dysfunction of the heart. It speaks specifically to how we relate to God. We are called to believe God. I’ve used synonyms in this Mind Map like belief, hope, confidence, trust, and faith. All of these words are meant to convey the idea of trusting God. I’m not using the word “trust” or “belief” in a salvific sense, though it could be possible for a self-reliant person to be an unbeliever. However, we all can be “functional atheist” from time to time.
It is essential that we are not only guarding our hearts daily, but that we are in contexts in which we can be cared for in order to be bolstered or challenged regarding our faith. It is very easy for strands of unbelief to make their way into our thinking. We need each other. Sanctification happens in community, not on an island. It is not possible to believe once and for all. We need to believe moment by moment. We need to be in contexts that help us to believe moment by moment. And we need to be humble enough to allow people to help us in our faith walk. If we don’t, unbelief will seek to rule our hearts and minds and when it does, a pattern of behavior sets in, which is what this mind map communicates. The unbelieving believerWhen Adam chose to “un-believe” in the garden of Eden, he immediately began to fear. If you are not going to “trust” God, then you have to choose to trust someone else. The next “best” option is to trust yourself.[2] Intuitively we know that we are not trustworthy. There is always an element of fear in play when we have to rely on ourselves. Fear is what Adam experienced and it’s what we experience too.[3] You’ll probably have to walk the self-reliant man through this idea of fear because most self-reliant people live in a fantasy world that does not accommodate fear. The idea of fear is counter to his self-constructed image. Sin is self-deceiving and typically Mr. Self-Reliant has spent years thinking he is something that he really is not. One of the hardest things to present to the self-reliant man is a sober assessment of himself. The big word “fear” on the map is representative of the person’s heart. You’ll notice that fear always has tributaries that feed it. Fear demands to be fed. Worry, anxiety, stress, and concern are willing participants to keep fear alive and functioning in a person’s heart. The longer fear is allowed to be active in the heart, the person will soon begin to doubt. Doubt and fear is at the heart of unbelief. Though fear may be too strong of a word for the self-reliant man, you will see fear acted out by his behaviors. For example, he will be “afraid” of certain outcomes, so rather than trust God, he will kick into his self-reliant mode. For example, the self-reliant man will get angry at his wife if she does not meet his expectations. In such cases, he is “afraid” she will not do what he asks, expects, or prefers. He uses the self-reliant method of anger to maintain control and to accomplish his agenda. Again, you will have to do some work in order to get him to see this. Fear and self-reliance appear on the surface to be antithetical, but they are actually in cahoots.[4] Self-reliance does a good job masking fears. Hiding fearThere are many ways a man will mask his fears, doubts, and insecurities. This is where you will see the word “comfort” on the mind map and all of the ancillary tributaries that help the self-reliant man to feel good about himself. In moments of weakness, which is the death knell for the self-reliant man, he will be tempted to build himself up all over again. He can accomplish this many different ways. It depends on the person, how he sins, and how he has been shaped. Here are some examples: Reputation - Keeping up appearances is a big culprit that helps to mask weakness. The self-reliant man can go to nearly inexhaustible lengths to maintain and promote his “I’m in control-I am somebody” image. Pornography - The person with little money or little fame and has little hope of ever being “somebody” according to the standards of the world, could easily slip into porn, another fantasy, like reputation, that breathes life into the self-reliant craving. The porn addict creates a “fawning cyber world of women” who love him to pieces. Whenever he needs a “self-important booster shot,” he can crank up the Internet and beckon his harem to make much of him. Anger – The angry dude will circumvent the more subtle ways of the self-reliant manipulations. He will choose to accuse and spew his way to superiority.[5] He has learned the habit of anger as his way of maintaining control of his life, wife, family, and a few select friends. Interestingly, he typically does not use anger outside of his “few select friends” because he wants to maintain his reputation or self-image. Sometimes the self-reliant guy has to be nimble as he jumps from one idol to the next in order to be what he wants others to see him as being. The comfort zoneOnce we choose to “un-believe” God we are in no man’s land. We’re out on a limb. Therefore, we have to find a place of comfort in order to function. Because we are not God and cannot rule like God rules, we have to whittle our world down to something that is manageable, something we can control and be proud of. This is what I call our comfort zone. Our comfort zone is the place where we feel as though we are in control. You’ll know very quickly if a person craves self-reliance by how he responds when things are outside of his control. His response is a dead giveaway to his heart (Luke 6:45). The self-reliant man, rather than humbling himself to the possibility that God may be working a greater plan and purpose in his life, will exercise whatever means necessary to regain control. It is very hard for him to trust others. It is very hard for him to see that there could be another way other than his way. He feels compelled to demand his way, even to the point of sinning in order to get his way. This is a crisis-in-faith issue. If the person does not repent by getting help for his self-reliance he can alienate his relationships. Self-reliance does not build community, but promotes individualism. It does not build unity, but causes hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and relational dysfunction. According to the GospelThis crisis in faith must lead him back to the Gospel if he is going to be helped at all. However, in order to be helped, you will have to help him identify what it is that is motivating him to not trust God with his life. There are reasons we choose things. For example, if I have the option of vanilla or chocolate ice cream and I choose vanilla, that means I did not choose chocolate for a reason. What was that reason? If you have the option of choosing self-reliance or God-reliance, then there is a reason for your choice. What was that reason? The self-reliant man is making a loud and profound statement about his thoughts regarding God. He is saying that God is not the best option, in this moment, on this day. He is also saying that he is the best option, as far as trust is concerned. This Gospel-dysfunction of the heart must be explored and repaired. If you would like to learn more about how to overcome self-reliance according to the Gospel, then watch this brief 10-minute video, which gives more insight. If you are a Member of our Membership Site, I have a complete one-hour video-seminar-webinar on this vital subject:
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