Too Scared to Buy a Sex Toy? Fear not!

Want to buy sex toys, but too scared?

Okay welcome back everybody… it has been a long time since I have posted because I have been so busy but I hope to get back to posting more frequently.

Today I want to talk about a somewhat controversial topic, well perhaps not controversial, but at least a topic that I have seen coming up over and over again on blogs and that issue comes from people asking about whether they should buy a sex toy?

It seems like a pretty basic question, and for many of us who do not have any qualms using sex toys in our relationships, it is not really a big deal. However, we may be the minority because for many people there is a huge hurdle, psychologically, about buying their first sex toy. And I can imagine that questions arise in their minds that are similar to this:

1. Where do I start?
2. What kind should I buy?
3. How can I do it so nobody else will know?

To be sure there are plenty of other questions but these seem to be the most common so I will tackle them one by one.

Where Do I Start If I Want by a Sex Toy?

I think for me the most obvious places to go online. I'm a private person by nature and I don't really want to express something as personal and intimate as buying a sex toy in front of a bunch of strangers. Not to mention the fact that you never know who would be driving by the sex shop or walking by on their lunch break, that might see you walking out. I can imagine that would be a really embarrassing situation, especially if it is a relative, friend, coworker, or client. This is why we started christianbed.com, because we knew that most people would feel a little bit more comfortable knowing that they have privacy when shopping for adult sex toys.

What Kind of Sex Toy Should I Buy?

So for some who are just getting their first sex toy, I would recommend a small bullet vibrator, or rabbit vibrator. 

As always it depends upon whether you are a man or a woman, whether you're using it by yourself or with your partner, and how adventurous you are, not to mention your budget. For this reason, on our site we have also included away to choose a toy based on size, price, color, and even the materials used to make it.

For those who are more advanced and daring perhaps they want to try out something a little bit more in the full size range like a dildo. Other people might just be looking for things like condoms, lubricant, sex toy furniture, or lingerie. And a third group, who are into more fetish type stuff, may look for anal, or bondage related toys.
Our job is not to judge, just to provide a full selection with secure transactions done under an anonymous business name so that whoever is looking at your credit card, no one will suspect that you have been shopping for adult toys. We also only ship in plain brown boxes, with no descriptive labels of any kind so that even the delivery person won't have any idea – as if they care anyway – what is inside. For all they, or anybody else knows it could be a book, wooden clothing hangars, a sweater, or a computer mouse.

So if you are in this particular boat, and trying to figure out what kind of a sex toy to buy and where to buy it so that nobody will know about yourself, we welcome you to visit our site at Christianbed.com where you can have a look around to see all our sex toys and find one that makes sense for you and your lifestyle.

Thanks again for reading!

Women and their sex toys

Not too long ago, a number of women attended a seminar with Nancy Matto, who explored the increasingly popular use of sex toys among married couples. Matto, who facilitated the seminar, works primarily as health care provider in the sexual health field. Throughout the discussion, she reminded participants of the following:
1. Sex toys are not replacement for men 
2. In the lives of sexually frustrated women, vibrators are just one of a large inventory of sex toys 
3. Men and women can and do use sex toys to enhance their lovemaking 
4. In spite of the growing knowledge about these pleasurable little tools many men still wallow in ignorance and the fear that the toys are a replacement for them. 

This week we asked men, all of whom requested privacy, to share how they would react if their partner brought a sex toy into the bedroom. One said he would have conditions on his wife's use of sex toys and would want to know why she needs it.  Others wondered if a vibrator means that she's not being satisfied. Some added that they did not mind as long as the woman did not deny them, and did not seek to replace them.  One gentleman said, 'I would not be averse to their use as long as I'm participating--or if I'm away for a long time, I'd feel better with her using a toy than going to someone else.' Another reported, 'It also depends on the type of toy! I would not have a problem with it because if you fall into a routine of sameness in the bedroom your sex life will decline. You have to be open to new ideas and new ways of doing old things.' Still another participant said, 'I, of course, would welcome it. I think they are wonderful playthings and any time my wife becomes excited about trying something, I'm happy.'

Yet, not everyone was positive.  'I would be very upset,' said one man, 'I would feel like it's to replace me--I would never go near them or want to see them round the house.' Others were ambivilent. 'I would never use them but if she wants to she can go ahead and experiment. I would not stop her I am excellent in bed the only thing I will use is vibrators.' Some took a more adventurous stance, saying 'I will do anything in my bedroom to make my wife happy--anything she wants to experience with me behind closed doors is fine with me that brings her pleasure I am happy!'

Sex toys are your friends, said Matto, a point some men seemed to agree with. 'If I am unable to do what the sex toy can do,' admitted one man, 'then it is fine.  'However,' he added, 'I'm very happy, but I would want to know if she got it out of a need or out of mere curiosity. I think I am more than capable of doing anything a toy can do.'

Others commented briefly:

'It depends on the toy and on which of us it will be used!' 

'If it's for penetration we have a problem.'

'I have always had an open mind so I would not feel threatened.'

'I have not been exposed to sex toys neither has my wife but based on what I know I don't think I would be interested.'

'I am open to new experiences because in a marriage after a while you need new stimulants.'

'The use of sex toys should be mutual.'

What do you think? Should married couples use sex toys, or is it a sign that something is wrong?

Why Dominant Women Enjoy Sexual Submission Fantasies

Published on Psychology Today (http://www.psychologytoday.com)  By Matthew Hutson Created May 26 2009 - 4:13pm

It's been said that those who are easy-going in real life tend be dominant in the bedroom, and those with type-A personalities like to be submissive. (Maybe you've heard the stories of dominatrixes with titans of industry as regular clients.) But is it true? And if so, what might explain it? In recent correspondence with Patricia Hawley of the University of Kansas regarding my post a year ago titled "Why Do Women Have Erotic Rape Fantasies?," she wrote, "it would be really cool for you to address the theory that broke in the pages of Psych Today in 1973 – a theory that went completely unaddressed as far as I can tell until 2009."

The 1973 article Hawley refers to, titled "The Sexual Fantasies of Women," was written by E. Barbara Hariton, a researcher and therapist who interviewed dozens of women about their fantasies. 


One of Harrington's assertions was that "Common 'force' fantasies... do not involve rejection or abuse. They appear in dominant and independent women who imagine themselves desired and wooed..." 


Hawley and her student William Hensley recently conducted research (to be published in the Journal of Sex Research) on forceful submission fantasies. Men and and women read and rated erotic vignettes in which they either dominated or submitted to an opposite-sex partner. 


Here are samples of what the women read: "...Your breathing quickens as you attempt to draw away, but he grasps your arm like a vice and it sends a shudder through your body. He pins you against the wall and presses his mouth firmly against yours. As your resistance fades, it becomes clear to you that this is only going one way..." "...His breathing quickens as he attempts to draw away, but you grasp his arm like a vice..." Men read the same vignettes but with pronoun gender changed. First, the researchers found that both men and women preferred to imagine being dominated. And men liked it even more than women. 


"Why might men enjoy the fantasy of forceful submission more so than women?," they researchers write. "It makes a good deal of sense that an alternate fantasy self would be the target of aggressive womanly pursuit free from rejection and restrictions." 


Ah yes, just sit back and let the horny ladies come to you. To support their claim, they analyzed two volumes of Penthouse Letters, which are aimed at male readers. 43% of the hookups were initiated by women and only 28% by men. Now to the heart of the study. Social dominance was measured in the participants by how often they claimed to use coercive and cooperative strategies to control material, social, or informational resources. The most socially dominant men rated vignettes in which they were sexually dominant higher than the other men did, but all tiers rated the submission vignettes equally. So much for the CEO-in-the-dungeon theory. At least among men... Among women, everyone rated domination fantasies equally, but the socially dominant women especially enjoyed fantasies of submission. We're on to you, Meg Whitman.

 Source URL: http://www.psychologytoday.com/node/4945

Seven more dangerous questions to ask your partner.

If you’re ready to add some variety to your relationship, try asking these questions of each other today.  They’re dangerous because they challenge the status quo that many of us have grown to know and love.

1.     What makes you feel insecure?  What makes you feel secure and safe?

2.     What rituals could be added to our relationship that would help us to remain close?

3.     Do you need to hear “I love you” from me on a regular basis?  Do I say it enough/too much?

4.     What five accomplishments in your life that you are most proud of?  What five things do you still want to accomplish?

5.     If you could live one year of your childhood all over again without changing a thing, what year would you choose? Why?

6.     What first attracted you to me?

7.     Are you comfortable with your body? If not, what would you change to make you comfortable?

4 myths about married sex

1. Marriage means boring sex. The idea that getting married means that you can no longer go crazy in the bedroom is a pure lie.  In fact, let us encourage you to crank it up a notch tonight...after all, life is too short to be predictable...why not experiment a little bit?  Try the kitchen instead of the bedroom, for instance.

2. My spouse doesn't expect special treatment. Let's face it, we all like it when we get a little extra attention in the bedroom, and your spouse is no different.  They may not say it, but no woman has ever complained that the back massage was too good nor has any man turned down oral sex.  Finding out what your spouse likes, and doing that, usually improves married sex. We also want to avoid being demanding...just because we like something, doesn't mean our spouse likes doing it...it is perfectly fine to ask, but don't insist.  Go into the bedroom to give, and you'll be fine.
.

3. If I keep doing the same thing, the same way, our sex life will be good. Variety is the spice of life, and that goes doubly for the bedroom.  Just like your diet, you should change it up frequently to keep it interesting.  If you need some inspiration, and who doesn't, check out this book for guidance!

4. It is about the body, not the eyes. Again, this is just nonsense...sex is as psychological as it is physical, and burying your face in the pillow hardly communicates, 'This is awesome-I love you!'  Make a point of watching each other, look into each other's eyes...don't stare, of course, that's just creepy, but try to make a connection with your gaze, not just your bodies.

As always, it is our pleasure to increase pleasure in your marriage!  For more ideas, including a huge variety of sex toys, please visit our website --The Christian Bed.

Sex Toys In Christian Bedrooms? Why not!?!?

Sex, Sex Toys and Christianity

Marketing"intimacy products" for a Christian audience. Published on June 25, 2011 by Michael Shelton, MS, CAC in Sex Life of the American Male

I first encountered Kelsy Burke's research on online Christian sex toy stores at the 2011 Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality Eastern and Midcontinental Conference, and I was more than a little mystified. Kelsy laughingly informed me that this is a common reaction:"When I describe my research to friends and colleagues, a common response is bafflement that Christian sex toy stores exist"

Kelsy is currently engaged in a study of online Christian sex toy stores as part of a larger project for her Ph.D. dissertation that examines how evangelicals promote sex practices within marriages. I asked her to elucidate her research:"Since the latter half of the 20th Century, evangelicals have thrived, in part, by participating in the capitalist marketplace, producing Christian versions of rock music, movies, and self-help books. Evangelicals have written sex manuals that have produced booming industry since the 1970s and new best-sellers continue to be released every year. A Google search for Christian sex toys' will bring you to Christian websites that sells intimacy products,' including traditional vibrators and dildos; anal play; g-spot and dual action toys. Customers can find just about any sex toy, other than video pornography, on a Christian-owned site."

What do Christian sex toy stores have in common?

They are evangelical-owned.  Although owners label their stores as Christian,' they espouse distinctly evangelical beliefs, such as a literal interpretation of the Bible, an emphasis on being born again and a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

They sell sex toys to a married Christian audience.  Store owners insist their products are intended for married couples only, and fantasizing about using their products, as long as it is with a spouse, is not a sin. Store owners go to great lengths to ensure that sexuality (including sexual thoughts) is contained within the confines of marriage.

 

A belief by owners that God all but demands satisfying sex within Christian marriages.  According to the owners of one online store,"Christian sex should be sexy, fun, passionate, pleasurable, and extremely intimate! God created sex as a gift to be shared between a married man and woman, so enjoying it within the context of His creation should only increase the delight!"

All Christian sex toy stores advertise themselves as"pornography-free."   As one online store declares, pornography is the number one reason for failed marriages.' What being pornography-free means however varies from site to site. One store sells"married erotica" and does not consider it to be pornographic; other sites remove or cover packaging that depicts pornographic images, while other sites refuse to sell anything that requires label modification. One store owner goes so far as to replace pictures of nude models with line-drawing outlines of models in product instruction manuals.

Kelsy concludes by detailing the inherent complexity of Christian sex toy stores:"Not all evangelical Christians would condone Christian sex toy stores. Still, the presence of evangelical-owned online sex toy stores is symbolically meaningful. They serve to validate sexual intimacy that can't be found in the Bible. Evangelicals interested in certain sex practices that are stereotypically taboo within conservative Christian communities, such as anal play or sex involving light bondage, can find confirmation that their sexual interests are approved in Christian settings. But on the other hand, Christian sex toy stores also create a particular dilemma for the evangelical community. By talking about and selling products related to sex, Christian sex toy stores may sexualize thoughts or actions in ways that go against evangelical principles. They blur boundaries of permissible and forbidden, challenging a coherent notion of Godly sexuality." 

Full article: Found here.

Song of Sol 1:16

'How handsome you are, my beloved! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant.' 

adj \ˈvər-d^ənt\ green with growing plants.  Sooo...either these two were having sex outdoors or this is a metaphor for saying that their sex life is thriving like a healthy garden.  Dear Lord, bless us all with verdant beds! :-) 

Sex Toys

Sex Toys
Terrific article here over at The Marriage Bed!